Monday, March 31, 2014

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey arms, legs, abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Anyone says "Earth", "cosmos", "universe", or "galaxy"
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Scene takes place in the Ship of the Imagination
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Animated history
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

Absolutely gorgeous CGI
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Anyone says "theory", "law", or "science"
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Neil deGrasse Tyson is onscreen
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts


Monday, March 24, 2014

Open letter to Universal's Islands Of Adventure.

To Whom It May Concern,

I recently enjoyed a stay in Orlando, during which time I had the pleasure of visiting Universal’s Islands of Adventure. My friends and I had a wonderful vacation, and thought your park employees were helpful and polite, the park was clean and accessible, and the rides were all great fun. To give you an idea of your particular customer type in this case, we’re all around thirty years old, and are engineers, social workers, doctors, and website developers.

Again, overall, we had a great time in your park. The only part of the experience that didn’t live up to our high expectations of your park was the merchandising in the Marvel Superhero Island. This was the section of the park I was most looking forward to, as I love comics, attend conventions, and thoroughly enjoy Marvel’s contributions in particular within the genre. I was all set to purchase a t-shirt as my souvenir, but ended up leaving the park disappointed due to the terrible content on your ladies’ shirts.

Shirt #1: I [heart] MEN IN UNIFORM
A picture of Captain America, and a sentiment professing my love for uniformed men. What if I’m in the military? What if I identify with the Cap more than I swoon over his patriotic duds?

Shirt #2: I ONLY KISS SUPERHEROES
Again, making me into the swooning type. This assumes the only reason I enjoy comics is because I have romantic designs on the main characters. Humor, art, action, themes of good triumphing over evil? Nah, I just want to make out with Wolverine.

Shirt #3: I [heart] SURFER DUDES
The Silver Surfer, and, much like Shirt #1, a sentiment that makes me seem like I’m a girl standing on a beach, admiring the prowess of a boy. I surf; I do not just stand on the beach like a googly-eyed dame. A men’s shirt would more likely include a statement comparing their talents: “I Catch Bigger Waves Than The Silver Surfer,” etc.

Shirt #4: MY BOYFRIEND’S ABS ARE MADE OF STEEL
Ironman. Is this shirt implying he’s my boyfriend? That I wish he was my boyfriend? Or comparing my actual boyfriend’s abs to Ironman’s? Because honestly, my husband has a bit of a beer belly, and I’m in quite good shape. I would have bought this shirt if it said something about my abs. But instead it makes the wearer appear as if the thing she prides herself most on is the fact that she’s dating a guy who’s hot.

Shirt #5: LADIES NIGHT
This one is on the list because of a technicality. Ladies’ Night refers to an event designed for women (which your gift shop certainly wasn’t), and often one where we get in free, or for a discount. It’s for us. It is our night. Which requires an apostrophe denoting possession. The t-shirt you sell advertises a night of multiple ladies, not a night for ladies. Sounds like an event that would be more at home on a men’s shirt. (I’m not all that upset about this one—it’s a common mistake, and I only noticed it because the other shirts had made me question every piece of merchandise in your stores aimed at women.)

I ended up buying the only female-cut shirt that didn’t frankly offend me: a red one with the Avengers logo on it.

In a world increasingly driven by female purchase power, and a recent turn from worshipping the jocks of the world to worshipping the geeks (see The Big Bang Theory, the comparative popularity of Loki the nerd over Thor the jock, and the nerd-cred of the alter-egos of both Spiderman and Superman), you shouldn't pigeon-hole us as a group of giggling girls who only saw Captain America because Chris Evans took his shirt off--aim your merchandise at celebrating intelligent female Marvel Comics fans. 

Sincerely,
Dr. Libby Putnam 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Scandal arms, legs, abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Scene takes place in the Oval Office
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Scene takes place in Olivia's offices or her home
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Olivia wears white
Someone cries or looks like they're about to
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

Sleeping, drinking, eating, or kissing
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Any mention of B613
Camera shot/shutter sounds
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Torture, fight, or other physical harm
Phone calls
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts



Veronica Mars arms, legs, abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Drinking, sleeping, eating, kissing
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Flashback, fight, or voice over
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Keith Mars or Wallace
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

Veronica asks for a favor
Someone asks Veronica for a favor (or help in general)
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Investigative leg-work: stakeout, pictures, phone calls, internet search
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Weevil or a guidance counselor/principal/school authority
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts



Wednesday, March 5, 2014

House of Cards arms, legs, abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Frank looks directly at or speaks into the camera
Ring tap or mention of Frank's ring
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Scene takes place in Frank’s office or home
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Texting, kissing, sleeping, or sex
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

Rowing machine, running, or mention of exercise
Violence or threats of violence/harm
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Anyone eats, drinks, or smokes anything
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Phone call
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts





Intelligence arms, legs, abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Combat, training, or fist fight
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Virtual evidence wall/cyber render
Gabriel uses his chip for something in-depth
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Gun is drawn
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

Riley - Gabriel banter
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Lilian Slater meets with someone in her office or clandestinely
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Scene takes place in a lab or Gabriel's apartment
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Agents of SHIELD arms, legs, and abs.

Do just one body part (arms, legs, or abs), or all three if you're ambitious.

Combat, training, or fist fight
Superpowers
          .....30 second plank
          .....15 backward leg lifts each side
          .....20 bicycles

Skye uses a computer
Reference to other MARVEL universe characters
          .....15 lateral raises
          .....15 forward leg lifts each side
          .....10 reverse crunches

Anyone says SHIELD
          .....15 shoulder presses
          .....20 sumo squats
          .....20 Russian twists

May pilots the plane
Weapons of any kind are drawn or used
          .....15 tricep pushups
          .....30 second wall sit
          .....20 oblique/side crunches each side

Whispering, plotting, clandestine planning
          .....20 bicep curls
          .....30 calf raises
          .....20 crunches

Scene takes place in Fitz-Simmons' lab, or they Do Science
          .....10 push ups
          .....20 jumping jacks
          .....10 straight leg lifts